Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
