East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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