im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
