yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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