you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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