It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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