The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
