I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
