There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Quick, to the slutcave!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
