I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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