How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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