standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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