why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
