i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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