My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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