tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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