Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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