see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
