No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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