i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
