I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
