sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
