I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
