tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
