A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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