I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
