fuck your aforementioned shoe
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
