we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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