see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
