Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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