she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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