so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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