do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
