Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
