doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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