people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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