No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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