ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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