This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
