so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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