That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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