So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
