Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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