So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
