Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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