That's when you crack a 10am beer
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize