I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize