Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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