Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
