i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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