she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The Olympian is in my bed
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
