omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You are a genius and a whore.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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