hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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