omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
