chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
