These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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