There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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