It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
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No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2