i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"