I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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