I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
