My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
