Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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