The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
