this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
