look no pants
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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