I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My vagina is officially offended.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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