i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
