This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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