just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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